| |
| |
|
Grief & Loss Information |
|
|
|
The Twists and Turns of Life
When I was born in 1962 I thought life was good. I had two parents, a twin sister, and an older brother. We lived in an apartment until my sister and I were eleven, and then we moved into a house. My brother was twenty-one years old so he moved onto his own apartment. I was the luckiest girl in the world. We were the normal family with chaos and the antics of being a family. I was blessed to have my parents around in my life. At the age of thirty my parents were still together. Of course their marriage went through their ups and downs, but all marriages develop this kind of turmoil. I don't know a marriage that doesn't go through frustrations that might sometimes end up in divorce. My parents loved each other, so they dealt with the controversies and the marriage burdens of trying to compromise and get to know each other. I had a best friend in my life, and it was my mother. I loved her so much, and we talked about three or four times a day. I enjoyed communicating with my mother because she was so honest, real, and like an angel in the midst of my life. I was so negative at times, but she kept encouraging me, and was my supportive mode. My mother believed in my writing, and was also my biggest fan. She read my work, gave her criticism on it, and was adamant in me making all my dreams come true. When I sold my first short story, I was thrilled to be published, but before I could enjoy my success a twist entered my life, and it was the most devastating feeling in the world. In 1995 my mother left this world. It was a total shock to me when she got sick. My mother never got sick in her life, so I was stunned, but I knew she'd get better. I never thought she would leave me. I nursed my mother back to health, and prayed for her. At times my mother was so sick; I thought she wasn't going to survive. My mother was plump, and when she got sick she lost so much weight. I had a bad feeling that she wasn't going to make it, but I didn't want to think about it. My mother couldn't hold anything down and she puked most of the time. I didn't know what she was thinking, or how she was feeling. I'd have given anything to know her thoughts. I was so close to her, but again I didn't feel so close to her at all. She'd stare at me for hours on end, and the stare was so deep as if she was looking into my soul, or trying to tell me something. My mother was very spiritual and religious, and she read the Bible all the time. The last few weeks of her life she'd speak in tongues and it would amaze me when I listened to her. I believed she was talking to God, and had her own communication with him. I have a feeling that my mother knew she was going to leave this earth, and move onto heaven, but she never discussed it with me. I was planning on her getting better and the things she was going to do, but at times she just stared at me. I never thought she'd leave me. I believed I was going to have my mother for the rest of my life. I was 35 years old when my mother left me. It was in June of 1995. I was with her on Wednesday taking care of her. She kept staring at me, but she never said that much to me. I never thought anything was going to happen. I went home, and at three o'clock on a Thursday in the morning, my father called me and told me that he couldn't wake my mother up. I didn't think anything about it because my mother took so much medication, it'd make her sleep for hours. I told him to shake her, and not to panic. He didn't think she was alive, so I called my sister and her boyfriend took us over to my mother's house. My mother was lying in her chair in her house, in her bedroom. She looked like she was sleeping to me, so I shook her a few times, but she didn't wake up. I tried waking her up, and prayed to God that she would wake up, but she just laid there with her eyes closed. I couldn't believe my mother was gone. She just wouldn't wake up. I was so upset as I hugged and embraced her, and asked her to please wake up. "Please don't leave me, mother. I love you so much, and I can't go on without you. Please don't go." All the crying and the praying didn't help my mother. She was gone. I experienced death in my family with cousins, and when my grandmother died, which was devastation within itself. It's very different when it's your mother and best friend. I never thought it'd happen to me. I was thirty-three years old when my mother left me. Some people said I was blessed to have been grown when she passed because some people lose their mother when they are much younger. It wasn't any consolation to me because when you lose your mother, it doesn't matter what age you are. It's still the most horrible feeling in the world. My mother had Congestive Heart Failure. She was my best friend, and I miss her like crazy. This twist came into my life, and it left a terrible ache inside of me. I didn't think I was going to survive, and I almost had a heart attack. I asked God to get me through this miserable time in my life because he had to take her, and it was her time. There was nothing I could do about it. I kept seeing my mother at every turn, and it got to the point that I couldn't go near 87th Street where my mother lived. I'd sit in my apartment and think about my mother constantly; I'd pick up the telephone to call her; and hear her laughter all the time. She was the best mother in the world, and I'd never forget her. Everyone who met my mother adored her. She was like this angel who was only here for sixty-five years, and she brought so much joy to the people she touched. I miss her every day, and my father thinks about her at every turn, also. He's also in his own turmoil of pain missing his wife so much. It has been ten years since my mother departed this earth, and I have dreams about her, and they are so real to me. She's right there in her house, and everything is the same so many years ago. I'd give anything to go back to the years my mother was alive. I'd do so many things differently. I never got to say good-bye, and that's what I can't overcome. The first weeks of my mother's death she appeared to me in a dream and told me that everything was okay, and she was fine. She looked so beautiful like she used to look before she got sick. My mother came to me a few more times, and it gave me so much comfort that I was able to go on with my life. I was so angry at first that God took my mother, and I couldn't understand why he did this to me? Reading the Bible and talking to God helps you to understand the realities of the world, and the twist and turns they take. We all have to experience the trials and tribulations of life because that's just the way it is. I'm still not over my mother's death, but I know she's in a good place, and she's watching me make my writing dreams come true. She's my angel who keeps me safe, and gives me the strength to move on. She's my guardian angel, and I'll always love my mother. Her spirit lives on in me, and when the world ends, I know I'll be reunited with her, and all the other members of my family that have passed on. So even when twists and turns enters your life, there is a white light at the end of the tunnel, and it's the most beautiful light in the world, and then some. I can't see my mother in her body form, but I can always remember her, and smile. My mother is very much alive in me, and she'll always be my blessing. The twists and turns interrupted my life for the moment, but its okay because I still have my mother, and no one can take that away from me. I continue to experience the twists and turns of my life: divorce, losing jobs, financial ruination, dating, working at stressful jobs, writing and rejection, and just everyday living, I constantly pray for serenity and a peace of mind. It's 2005 now and I'm still standing. (1,549) I am a writer and a reader of books and they both are my passion. Please check out my debut novel, I CONFESS at my website: http://www.freewebs.com/jcarolann You can also purchase my book at http://www.publishamerica.com I reside in the windy city.
MORE RESOURCES:
Grief-Loss - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Terrorism Worries: 10 Ways to Turn Fear into Hope September 11th changed America and chances are it changed you. Images of that tragic day pop into your mind without warning and you have a constant feeling of anxiety. Cultivate a Friendship with Death Why We Fear Death"Men fear death as children fear to go in the dark." - BaconThere may be a thousand reasons why we fear death, but most of all we fear death because we fear the unknown, and death is an unknown entity to most people. The Truth About Emotional Intelligence There is so much emphasis on emotional intelligence these days that it appears that people are suppressing their emotions and problems in an effort to "fit in," to keep their jobs, and using "positive self-talk" to muscle through the rough spots in their lives.Recently, I had a friend over who has suffered enormous job stress during a time when his wife's father was dying of cancer. Made in Heaven Consumed by my loss, I didn't notice the hardness of the pew where I sat. I was at the funeral of my dearest friend - my Mother. Dying? Not Me! Why You Should Plan for Transition Remember the Eulogy projects we had to write back in High School? Death is a tough subject to broach, and many would rather deny death then embrace it. Someone once said, ". Coping With A Funeral When the death of a loved one occurs, regardless or whether it was expected or not, you will find yourself having to deal with a great number of people. Some you will know closely, others may be complete strangers; all will be claiming some kind of relationship to the deceased. The Valley of Sorrow or My Life as a Well Digger It felt like I had been run over by a freight train. I was stunned. When The Spirit Leaves The Body Do you spend most of your time inside or outside of your body? If you know what I'm talking about then I can almost certainly say that you have spent some time outside of your body.What does it even mean to "be outside" of one's body? Well, in order to appreciate what this means you must have an experience of your "Self" first and then you must be able to "feel" where that "Self" is geographically speaking. Angel of Comfort... The Story I am an Angel artist and several weeks ago while listening to the late night news, a news story came on that really touched my heart. On the way home in the wedding limo . How to Cope with Anticipatory Grief Anticipatory grief is the name given to the mix of emotions experienced when we are living in expectation of loss and grieving because of it. Anticipatory Grief is particularly relevant to those who have received a terminal diagnosis and for those who love and care for them. In the Blink of an Eye Today's Quote: "My house is burned down, but I can see the sky." Sally Reed, cancer survivorThirty five years ago this weekend, my father died. Why Does God Allow Suffering? Justin was a typical ten year old boy. He liked Leggos, trains, and watching TV. Whens Sarah Coming Home? Helping Your Child Understand Death For most children, their first experience with grief comes with the death of a beloved family pet. When Zoe the eight-week old puppy dies of parvovirus or Tweety the budgie stops singing his morning song, a child experiences profound and lasting loss for the first time in their young lives. Is Death Really the End or the Window to A New Beginning? Earlier this month I learned a dear friend had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. She has been given less than six months to live as the cancer has fully permeated her liver and pancreas. New Tears [about Grievng--with commentary] New Tears [about Grieving]If it rains or shinesLittle does it matter so? Days, like tear drops-Slip and slide, and go.I sit looking out my windowLittle do I want to say-? Goodbye and close my brain;Not forever, anyway!. Suicide in the Church Part 1 Recently, several suicides have occurred right here in my own hometown of about 16,000 people. The latest of these involved a friend of mine who was, among other things, the leader of a Christian Business Fellowship which I attend. Dying On the Inside: A Childs Grief The impatient tooting of a car horn startled us into awareness. No one had thought beyond making it through the grievous night. The Lesson of a Mothers Death Dedicated to my mother, FlorenceNovember 11, 1920 - May 25, 2005The Passing of the TorchShe lies in peaceful repose on her back with her hands, one atop the other, gently resting on her tummy. Those hands that loved to play the piano, taught me how to make the most delicious fudge, brushed my hair, held hundreds of books, gracefully parted the air during Tai Chi practice, pounded a career of typewriters, peeled logs in preparation for their new home, produced many a midnight sewing machine creation and, most importantly, held her children close to her heart. What is an Appropriate Sympathy Gift? When a friend or loved one is grieving, it is hard to know what to say or how to show your support. When you want to provide comfort and support and show your concern for a family member, a friend, or an associate, a personalized gift is always an ideal choice. Am I a Mother - Tips for Handling Mother's Day After Miscarriage Are you spending this Mother's Day wondering if you are, in fact, a mother? 900,000-1 million women in the U.S.
|
| home | site map |
| Web Site Development - Search Engine Marketing: Dream Team Media |